A Very Important Road Rules Announcement July 3, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Road Rules.add a comment
By now, Chapter 10 is live on the Road Rules site. The podcast is progressing slowly, mainly because recording sucks up a lot of time. More soon, I promise. Chapter 4 should be live tomorrow.
In the meantime, there will be a contest with a fabulous prize chosen especially for you.
Stay tuned.
And Now A Word From Our Sponsor… July 2, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Politics, WTF, oxygen thieves.Tags: Mark Sanford, stupid adultery tricks
1 comment so far
This is Mark.
Despite four major celebrity deaths this past week, everyone’s still talking about what Mark did with his Big Boost of Confidence (TM) from the makers of Enzyte. How far did Mark go with his boost?
All the way to Argentina!
Consider Mark another satisfied customer of Enzyte, the All-Natural Male Enhancer.
Take it from Smilin’ Bob, Mark’s brother…
…if you can’t keep it in your pants, Enzyte is for YOU!
[Note: This is called a "parody" (PAIR-oh-dee), in which we make fun of stuff. Enzyte and Mark Sanford's stuff make for great freakin' comedy. Actually, Enzyte and anything is pretty funny.]
Marriage July 1, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Family, Life.3 comments
Yes, Mark Sanford is still a punching bag for his affair (and his bone-headed attempt to cover it up) a week later, even after the deaths of Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson (but sadly, not Axl Rose). I even have a post ready to go tomorrow that turns Markie Boy into an Enzyte parody. (Well, he does look like Smilin’ Bob, yanno.)
So what is the secret to a good marriage? And where do I get off having ended one marriage in the past three years and only being married again for just over one year?
No one really knows, because life, short as it is, is long. There are no guarantees. But I do know what makes Nita happy. And she knows what makes me happy.
I always remember I fell in love with this woman.
And because I treated her well, even when things occasionally got heated between us, she agreed to dress like this for me one summer day in Tennessee so we could be together forever.
And good or bad, in sickness and in health, she always looks like this to me.
I let her know I love her and need her. In return, I feel loved and needed. And that’s all that matters.
Plus, there’s the one secret to marriage that many people, male and female, forget.
Don’t treat each other like dirt. And when you do (because we’re all human, you know), grow a spine, say you’re sorry, and make your partner feel how much you love them.
There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?
Stuff By Me June 30, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Books, Writing.2 comments
Lots of stuff by me out now.
First off, three reviews I did last fall for Spinetingler are now online at http://www.spinetinglermag.com. I review Sean Chercover’s excellent Trigger City, Reed Coleman’s equally excellent The Fourth Victim, and the Rockford-like TKO by Tom Schreck. Read it. Download it. Just go. They have a lot of new fiction in Spinetingler this month as well, and this issue’s been a long time coming.
Second, I have even more reviews in the Summer edition of Mystery Scene. I review A Plague of Secrets by John Lescroart, Dead Man’s Dust by Matt Hilton, and Six Suspects by Vikas Swarup, whose novel Q&A become Slum Dog Millionaire. Mystery Scene is on your local bookshelf now. And if it’s not, grab the manager at your local big box store or indie, drag him or her over the counter, and scream, “I want Mystery Scene right NOW!!!” (Er… I am not responsible for any arrests or restraining orders if you do, but at least you’ll have made your point.)
And finally…
FICTION!
I have a new short story out in Mysterical E. Call “In Collections, ” it’s a hit man story based in the Lake Erie islands. It starts as every short story should start: With a naked man staring down the barrel of a gun. Kooky, eh?
That’s all for now. More as more happens.
Gambling In Ohio: It’s Overdue June 30, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Politics.Tags: Gambling, Ohio
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Slot machines are coming to Ohio racetracks in an effort to make up a $3 billion shortfall in the state budget. Soon, a new gambling issue will be on the Ohio ballot, this time without narrow provisions of Issue 6, nor interference from the former Argosy (now Hollywood) Casino. In fact, Hollywood’s owners are looking to put a casino in Cleveland, a city that could use the economic boost.
With the state in a deep hole, and basically any sort of legalized vice that might attract people to the state banned, it’s time to let people play slots, Texas Hold ‘Em, and roulette. It’s time to get rid of the state’s outdated, outmoded ban on gambling.
To put this in perspective, I honestly don’t want to go to any casino. I spent an afternoon in Belterra over in Vevay, Indiana about five years ago. It was noisey, and people at the slots get pretty obnoxious when you get between them and their favorite machines. I never returned until Bill Engvall did a show there in 2006. Gambling to me consists of playing the Megamillions when it tops $26 million (a million a year for the next 26 years.)
So when I say Ohio needs gambling, I don’t say it out of a need to gamble. I say it because it attracts gamblers and jobs. It’s more than people sitting like zombies at the slots. Certainly, there are risks to gambling. Pete Rose, anyone? But casinos would provide a well-regulated environment that would mitigate some of those issues.
The argument I’m tired of hearing is the argument that has the least substance behind it: crime and prostitution. The puritanical groups in this state scream hysterically that Ohio would suddenly sprout Midwestern versions of the Mustang Ranch and be overrun by Mafia types.
Indiana started allowing casinos in 1993. There’s been some uptick in crime that comes with an uptick in tourism. Show me a tourist attraction that doesn’t cause that. Lawrenceburg, the nearest suburb in Indiana to Cincinnati, is not exactly an epicenter of crime and violence. Prostitution? There have been isolated incidents, but Lawrenceburg, Rising Sun, and Vevay aren’t exactly meccas of whoredom. Try Vine Street or Covington after midnight.
Gambling’s not an ideal situation, but Ohio needs to stop legislating other people’s morals. The simple fact is when you go into a casino, you need to take responsibility for yourself. Since a majority of people who go do, or at least know to quit when they get burned, it makes no sense to continue an outmoded and, frankly, downright silly ban. Regulate gambling. Tax the hell out of it; it’s a tax people gladly pay. But it’s time for the ban to go. The schools need it. The libraries need it. Police and fire departments need it.
UPDATE: A gent from Ohio Jobs & Growth Plan emailed me with a couple of corrections. The ballot issue was Issue 6, not 5 (payday loan restrictions), as I originally wrote. I also learned Cleveland’s proposed casino is actually a project by Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert.
Heading For Indy June 29, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Bouchercon.3 comments
I’m about to send the fee in as soon as some money owed hits my account. I’m speaking, of course, of Bouchercon. I haven’t been in two years. In 2007, it was in Alaska, and I couldn’t justify the $600 air fare. ($200 on Southwest to get to Seattle; another $400 to get to Anchorage.) Also, Anchorage is five hours behind Cincinnati. Can you imagine the jet lag? California for a few days isn’t so bad.
In 2008, I really, really, really wanted to hit Baltimore, but life changes and the resulting expenses kept me home. Besides, I was new to this family man thing and wanted to spend more time with Nita and AJ. So while I missed everyone in Baltimore, I more than made up for it just staying home.
But this year?
Bouchercon is two hours away, almost close enough to commute. Yes, I’ve waited until mid-summer to apply, but for the first time, writing and web income are paying for it. Whoo hoo!
“But Jim, you might not get a panel assignment.”
Good. In Toronto, they gave me a panel after I said “No panels.” I was a neophyte. I wanted to watch. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get out of it. Besides, I was on the panel with Neil Smith and Sarah Weinman, so “No” was out of the question.
In Chicago, in 2005, Bob Randisi asked me to help with a day of programming by the PWA. I couldn’t say no, and didn’t want to. Besides, my panel had Ken Bruen, Reed Farrel Coleman, Eddie Mueller, and John Connolly. Basically, I just threw out a topic, then shut up.
After that? No panels. Unlike most writers, I do enjoy public speaking. I was in Toastmasters for eight years. The only thing I’ve never liked is…
Panel discussions. I especially don’t like moderating them. In my first year, not only as a panelist, but sitting in the audience, I had to deal with that guy. You know the guy. He stands up during the panel, and preambles his comment (Never a question) with, “As a novelist and author of eleventy hundred short stories…” Five minutes later, no one’s sure what he said. He was thankfully silent during my one moderation turn, but I think it had to do with my panel, none of whom would tolerate long-winded rambling.
But I really don’t like the panel format. It’s hard to gauge when to speak up and to be silent. I’d venture to say it’s harder than standup. Plus nine times out of ten, there’s always one person on the panel who is not connected at all to the topic. Hasn’t happened to me yet.
I digress. I don’t go to Bouchercon to sit on panels. For every slot, there are 300 authors vying for the seat. (This was used as a guilt trip when I turned one down once.) I am very happy to let the other 299 writers, reviewers, and superfans have a shot. (This did not go over well as a response.) The past two cons, panels have been managed by the Jordan Clan, and Indy’s crew seems equally reasonable.
Me: Jon, I don’t want to do a panel in Baltimore. I just want to sit in the bar and schmooze.
Jon: OK.
Simple. Did I mention I like Jon? He also introduced me to Red Bull.
So Indy will be my time to reconnect, bury a couple of hatchets, and hang out with writers again.
And I have to go next year. It’s in San Francisco, the only reason God created California. And 2011? St. Louis. Driving distance again.
To paraphrase Robert Parker, I’d be a fool not to.
[No My Town Mondays this week. Check out Travis's blog for this week's posts. Better hurry. Travis is dropping out.]
Rough Week. Let’s Lighten The Mood. June 27, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in WTF.add a comment
Here’s a man getting kicked in the balls.
Feel better?
What A Week June 26, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Film, Music, Television.add a comment
Last night, the death of Michael Jackson dominated the news. The last person whose death was like an atomic bomb on culture was Frank Sinatra. Before him, it was John Lennon, and before him, Elvis. Quite likely, the next one will be Paul McCartney, assuming he’s the last surviving Beatle.
I’m not going to lie. Michael Jackson in his later years became a punchline. But when Thriller came out during my sophomore year in high school, it was one of those moments that crystallize your life at a given moment. Jackson, along with Prince, Van Halen, and Duran Duran, created the soundtrack to my late teens. Watching Jackson in the past couple of years made it obvious he wasn’t well, his death was still a shock.
It’s not been a good week for icons of my childhood. Another loss was one of Charlie’s Angels (before the godawful movies).
Farrah Fawcett died the same day as Michael Jackson. Her death did not come as a surprise. She even talked about it coming in the days before she passed away. Yes, I had that poster on my wall. But what was impressive was after Charlie’s Angels when she began getting meatier roles, like The Burning Bed and The Beate Klarsfeld Story. She had her ups and downs like most celebs, but she’d come a long way from being Lee Majors’ supermodel wife.
And then the day before, we lost one of two men who likely were in the room when I was conceived. And my wife. And my brother. After all, how many kids were conceived during Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show between 1962 and 1992?*
Ed McMahon was Johnny’s sidekick for decades. And I made a point of watching Carson’s finale, which was McMahon’s finale. Ed was like a goofy great uncle you see every family reunion and Thanksgiving. A little odd, but funny and warm. He also hosted Star Search, giving us Sinbad and Christina Aguilera. McMahon got his start as a boardwalk huckster working for the same company that gave Billy Mays his start. So just think, if Ed never met Johnny, he might have retired on hawking an early version of Mighty Putty.
It’s been a sad week. But one that brought back a lot of memories.
*I really don’t want to think about sex during Leno. That’s just gross. Sorry, Jay.
Meet A&W Root Beer’s Newest Spokesman June 25, 2009
Posted by eviljwinter in Politics, WTF.Tags: stupid politician tricks
1 comment so far
“Hi. I’m Governor Mark Sanford. You know that wild idea I got telling my staff I was hiking the Appalachian Trail but really flew to Argentina on Father’s Day weekend to get me some strange? Um… Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”
That’s pretty thick-headed! Maybe twice as thick-headed as this guy!
