2015 For Jim

Most people make resolutions. I make goals. I actually met a few of them ahead of time this year. So what’s in store for Jim?

  • Winter’s Quarterly, the first of which goes live as we pass into 2015. You get four of these puppies this year.
  • Nick Kepler comes to an end in February with the release of Gypsy’s Kiss.
  • Speaking of Kepler, I plan to put him together in one neat package, The Kepler Omnibus. Then that’s it for Jimmy Winter as an independent author.
  • “Dick” will release four novellas in advance of the science fiction novel I wrote last year.
  • Holland Bay will finally go to an agent. How will that turn out? Stay tuned.
  • In April, I will finish the bachelors degree I should have finished several presidents ago.
  • This summer, as part of my plan to run the 2016 Flying Pig Marathon, I plan to run my first half marathon. Originally, this was going to be the Flying Pig, but illness has thrown off my training schedule.
  • Aaaaaaand in June, I will celebrate seven years of marriage to Nita.
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The Year In Rearview

2014 was either a giant suckfest or a decent year, depending on who you are and what bullshit on Facebook you believe. Here is a look back.

JANUARY

Chris Christie prematurely ends his 2016 campaign for president by causing traffic jams on the George Washington Bridge.

Vladimir Putin tests his super-villain skills by annexing the Crimean Peninsula. The Ukraine does not approve.

FEBRUARY

Jay Leno officially retires, handing off The Tonight Show to Jimmy Fallon. This time, NBC manages not to screw over Conan O’Brien… Um… Wait…

MARCH

Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 disappears. I keep having visions of a smoke monster.

APRIL

Nigerian girls are kidnapped by an extremist group. Ann Coulter takes this opportunity to prove what an utter failure she is as a human being.

MAY

A US Army sergeant is successful brought home from Afghanistan after being held prisoner by the Taliban. Congressional Republicans blame Obama.

Clippers owner Donald Sterling learns that being a billionaire does not excuse one from being a racist douchebag.

JUNE

The World Cup begins. Radio pundits suspect American interest in soccer is a gateway to socialism.

JULY

LeBron James returns to Cleveland. Yea?

Germany scores a Brazillion goals against Brazil in the World Cup.

Russia, or maybe the Ukraine, accidentally shoot down Malaysian Flight 17. Vladimir Putin is singled out for an atomic wedgie when leaders meet for a G8 summit in Australia.

AUGUST

A white police officer in Ferguson, Missouri, shoots an unarmed black man. The police department is ordered to stand down and let the state police handle things when the local police do stupid things like harass camera crews and try to confiscate smart phones. Yeah. That’ll really calm down the population.

SEPTEMBER

Sorry, ladies, but George Clooney is off he market.

Scotland decides to remain in the UK. Doctor Who, on the other hand, decides to be Scottish. Much Scottish ale is consumed.

ISIS attempts to take over the Middle East. Apparently, they forgot that Turkey is a member of NATO.

OCTOBER

The number of deaths from Ebola in the US skyrockets to match the number of people who have been married to Kim Kardashian. Never mind that bubonic plague still outpaces Ebola in America.

NOVEMBER

America gives the Senate to the Republican Party. Which apparently makes Obama’s job easier.

Officer Darren Wilson is not indicted, setting off a wave of protests.

DECEMBER

Kim Jong Un screws with Sony Pictures. Barack Obama screws with Kim’s Internet.

The Year In Jim, 2014 Edition

‘Tis that time of year when we look back on the year now ending. Unlike other year end lists, I’m going to look back on what’s truly important. Me.

JANUARY

You know how I’m always saying I’m going to take up running every year? Yep. Did that again.

FEBRUARY

Nita and I celebrate the sixth anniversary our first date.

Nita let’s me have the house to myself for a weekend. Was it an orgy in partying or a really productive writing weekend? Actually, I drank beer and fell asleep.

MARCH

Noro virus: Like ebola without the hemorrhaging.

My Dick finished a novel.

APRIL

My Neon, on April Fool’s Day, blows a sensor. By Tax Day, I become the proud owner of a Volkswagen Jetta. My family is no longer embarrassed to ride in or drive my car.

MAY

I start revising Holland Bay based on edits from Brian Thornton.

JUNE

New job! And a year before I’d planned to go looking for one.

The sixth anniversary of the happiest day of my life.

JULY

My annual trek along the Little Miami Bike Trail makes it all the way to Yellow Springs, near Dayton.

AUGUST

I begin my final year of school

SEPTEMBER

Holland Bay goes to an agent. She asks for revisions.

OCTOBER

I’m up to running 3 miles three times a week.

NOVEMBER

Aaaand we get a treadmill.

DECEMBER

SARS comes to the Winter household. Which means I don’t run from a week before Christmas to… Well, by the time you read this, we’re still waiting.

Friday Reviews: 7 Grams of Lead by Keith Thomson

7 Grams of Lead by Keith Thomson7 Grams of Lead

Keith Thomson

Russ Thornton blogs about spies. He’s not a conspiracy theorist. It’s his job. So when he notices a scientist was shot with a 7-gram lead bullet (unusual if you now anything about guns and ammo), the bad guys plant an eavesdropping device.

In his head. With the help of an NSA hacker, he discovers a former senate candidate has a similar one in her head. When they have them removed, it becomes a cat and mouse game across the Caribbean as they try to outwit a cold-hearted entrepreneur named Canning. Canning has two things on his mind: Revenge and money, and he wants both from a terrorist set on attacking Washington, DC with an electro-magnetic pulse.

Thornton knows an awful lot about spycraft for someone not a veteran of black ops. Then again, his love interest is a beautiful tech billionaire who proves every bit as resourceful as Thornton himself. Canning is a sociopathic genius whose insight sometimes strains credibility. But this thriller is a twenty-first century answer to James Bond with all the tech geekery of Tom Clancy at his finest. But Thomson keeps things moving, detailed in his tech wizardry without getting bogged down in it, and nowhere nearly as dry as Ian Fleming. The sexual tension between Thornton and Beryl Mallery is delicious while Canning makes Hannibal Lecter look like a nice guy with an eating disorder. There’s a movie in this somewhere.

 

 

Repost: A Very Kenwood Christmas

My first Christmas in Cincinnati found me doing my first ever Christmas Eve shopping dash.  I ended up at Kenwood Towne Center, the mall nearest the then-inlaws’ place.  Big mistake.  In looking for a parking place, I wound up in a standoff with another guy waiting for the same parking space to open.

I stared.  He stared.  Somewhere nearby, a car stereo blared the theme from A Fistful of Dollars. Finally, the car pulled out and away.  It was on.

Or was it?

Before I or my nemesis could get our feet off our respective brakes, two women in expensive sedans whipped around us and shot into the same parking space.  Or tried to.

As Michio Kaku will explain on his many television appearances, two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.  What a waste of a Lexus and a BMW.

My nemesis and I got out, looked at each other, then watched the two vicious ladies cuss each other out.  One of these ladies was a eucharistic minister at my church at the time.

“You know,” I said to my nemesis, “it’s really not a bad day to walk.”

“I’m parking over by the Kroger,” he said.

“I’ll join you.”

Half the Kroger lot was empty.  Nemesis and I parked without incident or conflict.

I suspect the two ladies got lumps of coal in their stockings.