America’s New Years Resolution

I’ve had it.

America, you’ve let yourselves become pussified, and frankly, it’s pathetic.  Every time I turn around, some usually rational person is all upset and terrified because Evil Brown People made Glenn Beck cry.

Ladies and gentlemen, Glenn Beck is a black-helicopter-chasing, birther-loving wimp.  Rather than agreeing with him, we should lay in wait outside Fox News studios and ambush him for the mother of all wedgies.

Instead, people, you embrace fear.  “No jobs!  We’re spending too much money!  Terrorists!”

Nice going, America.  You let the terrorists win by swallowing the terror the way Megan Hauserman swallows millionaires’…

um…  champagne.

Frankly, people, you disgust me.

When the Depression kicked in, did the people demand Hoover or Roosevelt tuck them in and tell them the boogie man wasn’t under their beds?

Did Americans go hide in their bomb shelters when half the Pacific Fleet went up in flames?

When it became clear that McCarthy was more interested in being a playground bully than fighting any real enemy to freedom, did they pat him on the head and say thanks for keeping the bad men away?

Did Kennedy look at Gagarin’s flight and go, “We can’t go to the moon!  We’ll shoot Florida’s eye out!”


People pulled together in the Depression to get through the worst of it.

America hired housewives to rebuild the fleet while their hubbies went overseas to kick the boogie man’s ass.  Three boogie men’s asses, actually.

Edward R. Murrow called out McCarthy on his outright lies, and the old, power-mad lush promptly drank himself to death.  Good riddance.

Kennedy said to the Soviets, “That’s nice.  You went around the world in 90 minutes.  We’re going to the GODDAMNED FREAKIN’ SEA OF TRAN-FREAKIN-QUILITY.  Top that one, Boris!”  And when Kennedy got shot, LBJ said, “Screw that.  We’re still going.”

And how about that paragon of conservative virtue, Ronald Reagan?  What did he do when the Soviets started talking openly about when America would fall to communism?  He called them an Evil Empire.  Three grumpy old Bolsheviks promptly dropped dead after getting called out by a guy who got shot at point-blank range all because some nutjob had a woody for Jody Foster.

And then, when a new guy came in and said, “Yanno what?  Moscow needs an enema!”, Reagan said, “Cool.  Let’s talk.”

What’s missing?

The cold, stupid, mindless embrace of fear.  None of these guys embraced it.

So your homework assignment, America, for the dawn of the new decade is to grow a pair.


Fear = Death

Reject fear.

It’s tattooed on my arm.  It should be on yours, too.

From MrHankPaulson (See also “p0rn” and “Candadian drugs cheap”)

[From various sources.  This one came from Ye Olde Day Job.]

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

Henry Merritt “Hank” Paulson Jr. is the
United States Treasury Secretary and member of the International Monetary Fund Board of Governors. He previously served as the Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Goldman Sachs.



Michelle Malkin Is An Epic Moron

All I have to say is boycott Dunkin’ Donuts until the Rachel Ray ad is placed back on the air, and leave your garbage on the doorstep of Michelle Malkin’s office until she’s either fired or prints a retraction. Malkin’s comment that a scarf somehow gives terrorists warm fuzzies is just the sort of cowardice this country should no longer tolerate.

I look at the scarf, and I see A SCARF!!! You have to be paranoid and/or dimmer than a black hole to see it as anything but.

No wonder conservatism is dying in this country. Everyone on the right seems to have been scared stupid.

Thanks, Michelle.  Thanks a lot.  Because of people like you, the terrorists have won.