While I am happy that we finally have a slate of presidential candidates who don’t make me want to research Canadian citizenship (I’m liking Vancouver for the weather), I’ll be happy when today’s festivities are over.
No more robocalls. No more junk mail. No more Bill Cunningham whining about John McCain (until the convention).
I spent Sunday at Nita’s house. A Clinton campaign worker came to the door. The dog went after him. I got the dog back in the house and got in her face, saying “Who’s a Republican doggie? Is it Girl? Is Girl a Republican doggie?” She licked my face.
So I swatted her on the nose and said, “Bad dog!”
I am an Obama man, after all.
The presidential campaign hasn’t been too bad. The candidates haven’t gotten in my face demanding my vote.
The presidential candidates, I mean. Congressional?
On the Republican side, Jean Schmidt is fighting to keep her seat in District 2. I’d love to see her go down except…
Her opponent is Tom “Dr. No” Brinkman, who twice literally got in my face demanding my vote. Brinkman is opposed to just about everything. He’s so conservative he makes Sean Hannity look like Abby Hoffman. Not good. So I find myself in the unenviable position of rooting for a vapid harpie to keep her seat just a little bit longer.
Unfortunately, on the Democratic side, there’s Steve Black vs. Victoria Wulsin, the woman who almost took Schmidt’s job once. I liked Black’s blue-collar, anti-outsourcing message. It hearkened back to my days in Cleveland when saying “Fuck you, Corporate America” was not only popular, it was a survival skill. I decided, since I’m voting Democratic this year (Memo to Howie Dean: Don’t get used to it. I’m back to solid independent next primary season. Deal with it.), I’d decided to vote for Black.
Until Stevie Boy decided to run the mad scientist ads. Victoria Wulsin, a respected physician and protege of Dr. Henry Heimlich (Yes, that Heimlich, he of the famous maneuver), took part in a controversial, but promising, AIDS treatment involving malaria. Questionable? Maybe, but hardly malicious. Black, however, stole a page from Schmidt’s playbook and started running ads suggesting Wulsin did this in a basement dungeon among Van der Graff generators with a hunchbacked lab assistant named Igor (or is it Eye-gor?) I’m surprised he didn’t dub a Dr. Evil laugh over her voice in the process.*
Nice Steve. You lost my vote.
McCain vs. Clinton? Spirited, maybe a little personal, but mostly issues centered.
McCain vs. Obama? Definitely an issues debate. McCain has said as much, and Obama has demonstrated it.
Steve Black vs. Jean Schmidt?
Can someone send me real estate ads for Vancouver? Or at least the West Side of Cincy?
UPDATE: As of 11:15, Ohio is too close to call between Obama and Clinton. (CNN is calling it Clinton, but Cincinnati.com is holding out.) District 2 is going to be Jean “Cut and Run” Schmidt vs. Victoria Wulsin again. If it’s any consolation to the gent who took issue with my assessment of Wulsin, I voted for the third guy on the slate. Yeah, I threw away a vote, but it’s kinda hard to vote for the Libertarian or the Green on a straight party ballot. Won’t be a problem in November. Meanwhile…
Come on, Barry! Take Texas!
UPDATE: 11:30. Oh, well. Hillary was always ahead in Ohio anyway. Texas, Barack. Texas.
*Blackie, Shitty – Er, um Schmitty, if you use that idea, you owe both me and Mike Meyers money. Cough, you cheap, Chicago-style political hacks.