You Use That Type Of Language?

It’s been a while since I complained about the English language. Now’s as good a time as any. Some of this I’ve said before, but all of it bears repeating. So here now are my nits to pick with the English language.

  • English teachers, stop telling students you can’t end sentences with a preposition or split infinitives. Those are Latin rules. Last I checked, English was not a Latin-based language, in which it’s impossible to end sentences with prepositions or split infinitives. In English, of course, it’s possible. “To boldy go…” Guess what? That’s legit. And the whole preposition thing is a linguistic myth up with which I will no longer put.
  • Singular “they” – Unless you can come up with a better gender-nonspecific noun that “it,” which screams “inanimate object,” you’re going to have to give up any and all objections to singular they. Or you have to go back to using “thee” and “thou” as “you” is technically second-person plural. But please don’t use “thou.” It’s annoying.
  • Why is the word “shit” on the banned list? You can say “feces,” “poop,” and “crap” with impunity, but somehow, “shit” is supposed to be bleeped and banned. Who made up that shit? Let’s be honest. “Poop” actually is more gross than “shit.”
  • Our phones now have touchpad keyscreens. They have full keyboards. Time for txtspeak to die. Even my stepson, who insisted I needed to learn 133tspeak thinks it’s pretty lame now. You can type full sentences. It won’t kill you.
  • I love the concept of “It is what it is.” I’m sick of the phrase.
  • Advertisers: The only kind of gifts are free gifts. Drop the free. Seriously. It looks stupid.

In Case You Were Wondering, I Sound Like I’m From Cleveland.

Cincinnati?  Not so much.  After nearly two decades in the Queen City, I still don’t say “Please?” when I want someone to repeat what they’ve said.  I do, however, make fun of people for saying “Cincinnatuh” instead of “Cincinnatee.”  But then no one who lives in the State of Ahia* says that.

What American accent do you have?

Your Result: The Midland

“You have a Midland accent” is just another way of saying “you don’t have an accent.” You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.

The Inland North
The Northeast
The South
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

*For the record, no one from Ohio says Ahia either.  If they do, we call them “hicks,” even out in SE Ohio, where it’s all trees and hills.