And Now To Get Political…

It’s the midterms. And while I’ve not been as political as I have been in previous years, I don’t think I’m doing any favors by not speaking up the day before the elections. If you regularly read this space, you already know where I stand on the Congressional and Senate elections: Anyone who held a seat in October, 2013 needs to be sacked. Now, that’s not going to happen to House Speaker John Boehner. His Democratic opponent, whatsisname, is so forgettable that I’m convinced they ran him just to have a slot on the ballot. According to one local blogger, the opponent’s web site lacks a means to donate and resembles a fanfic site from the old days of Geocities and angelfire.com.

But that’s one district over from me. Not my circus, not my monkey. Butler County and Dayton will continue to slip Congress a Boehner.

However, since my Congressman Brad Wenstrup, a normally reasonable guy who paid the requisite amount of lip service to the Tea Party (occupational hazard in the GOP these days) was my Congressman in October of 2013, neither he nor Rob Portman nor Democrat Sherrod Brown (the last two Ohio’s current senators) will ever get my vote for anything again. Not even to the board of the local homeowners association. Yeah, kids. I’m pissed, and I hold looooong grudges with politicians. It’s a virtue I’d like to see more people embrace.

The big race in Ohio is for governor. I usually have to have a compelling reason to vote out an executive, be it governor or president. For instance, most of the complaints against Obama was that he was not Republican, which is a stupid reason to vote against someone. You want to be loyal to a party? Go move to North Korea. Also, the opponent would have to be either so spectacularly awesome that I can’t not vote for them, or they have to be so spectacularly bad that I’d vote for Kim Jong Un before I’d vote for this person.

Well, John Kasich has managed to piss me off quite a bit, but when the people exerted their will when he went against it, he shrugged, said the people have spoken, and got on with the job. I voted for his predecessor last time because, really, I had no compelling reason to get rid of him. That’s where Kasich finds himself with me. Moreover, his opponent is… See above. Ed Fitzgerald is a man who drove without a license for a decade and was caught with a woman in the backseat of his car. It was not Mrs. Fitzgerald. And this guy wants to govern an entire state. So let’s do the math here: Recovered state economy + stubborn but cooperative incumbent + an idiot running against him = vote for Kasich.

The auditor’s job belongs to Dave Yost, who has run only one real attack ad this season. (And I think that one was actually run by some front for whatever Citizens United calls itself these days.) Yost points out that he’s saved the state a lot of money on his watch. Again, do a good job, and I’ll vote for you.

I’m kind of torn on the attorney general’s race here. On the one hand, we have incumbent Mike DeWine. I voted against him in his last run for Senate because it was his second term. That’s part of my calculus. Two and out for anyone. (For representatives, I give them eight years because the two-year term is one of the dumbest things the Founding Fathers came up with. Not the dumbest. That was counting each slave as 2/3 of a person. But two-year terms is pretty stupid.)  On the other hand, I’ve generally liked Democrat David Pepper in the past. Since the FOP like him for Ohio’s top cop, I’ve decided to go with Pepper. He almost lost my vote, however, when his ads started resembling…

Josh Mandel, the incumbent treasurer. But where Pepper’s attack ads are largely puffery or out-of-context comments, Mandel out and out makes up stuff about his opponents. In his initial run for treasurer, he accused the then-incumbent of giving a contract to a guy who went to his mosque. Then, as now, he ends by reminding you he’s an ex-Marine. There are four problems I have with that: 1.) It’s not criminal to be a Muslim, nor even an indication of any moral failing, 2.) said deal never happened, 3.) John Kerry pimped his military service, too, and that didn’t convince anyone, and 4.) his opponent was not even a Muslim. So don’t vote for a guy who cut a nonexistent deal because the other guy attends the same fictitious mosque, oh, and Josh Mandel was a Marine. Uh-huh. Lots of people have served our country, including my sister-in-law, who thinks he’s an idiot. That’s the most egregious example of Mandel’s tactics. He does it every time, and it cost him a senate run. This year, he’s whining about non-existent attack ads. There were none. His opponent, Connie Pillich, doesn’t even mention this lying sack in her ads. Let’s put it this way. If Josh Mandel told me the sky was blue, I’d have to go outside with a color chart just to make sure he wasn’t lying. And even then, I’d have my doubts. And since Pillich is my state senator, a vote for Pillich is a no-brainer. Josh Mandel should not be elected to anything, even president of the Liar’s Club. This jackass reminds me too much of Nixon. Only Nixon had some redeeming qualities. I’ve yet to see any in Mandel.

Finally, there’s the secretary of state, which in Ohio is the guy who not only manages the registration of businesses and trademarks but also runs the elections. John Husted already lost my vote by trying to rig polling hours to deny Obama a win in Ohio. (Didn’t work.) But I’ve already decided that I will never again vote for a major party for this office. So I’m voting for Kevin Knedler, the Libertarian Party chairman for Ohio, who’s running for this job. I have no idea what his position is. I only know that Husted’s job is to preserve the office for a Republican successor and, failing that, ensure that only a Democrat can take it away. A Democrat does exactly the reverse: Preserve the job for his party, and make sure only the opposing major party has a chance to take over. Unacceptable. So I’m voting for Knedler. Oh, and Greens, Modern Whigs, and Constitutionalists? You’ve let me down. I don’t see a single name from any of you this time.

And that’s about it. I’ll spare you the local races. They’re not of much interest outside of the Cincinnati area. But that’s where I stand. Tomorrow, go let them know where you stand. If I put things in perspective for you, great. Even if I haven’t, vote your conscience. And if you don’t vote tomorrow, kindly sit down and shut up.

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