Save Kepler!

I know being an independent writer is a struggle. It’s partly why I’m shopping Holland Bay to an agent. But the numbers and the reader feedback seem to favor Northcoast Shakedown and Bad Religion. Road Rules sometimes pokes through the crowd, but it’s normally the Keplers that draw readers. A spike in one novel tends to carry sales of The Compleat Kepler, the collection of Nick Kepler shorts up to and including “Lady Luck.”

But one novel seems to always lag behind. The reviews always seem to be good, but even Kevin Burton Smith, the genius behind Thrilling Detective, seems to have forgotten there was a book between Northcoast Shakedown and Bad Religion. Second Hand Goods is not feeling the love. What to do? What to do?

National Lampoon: Buy this magazine, or we will kill this dog.

And the dog’s name is “Kepler.” Think about it.

Well, I’m stealing a page from National Lampoon. Or rather a cover. Lampoon threatened to kill a dog if you didn’t buy their magazine. (And then PJ O’Rourke ran it into the ground. Come on, PJ. You’re better than that, even after you abandoned your subversive brand of conservatism to become a Tea Bagger.) We don’t have to worry about that because, once the novella Gypsy’s Kiss is done, the Kepler stories are done. Gypsys will be a reboot of the short story, with the setting changed to after the events of Bad Religion and an ending that…

Well, this is where I rip off Tony Hendra and PJ O’Rourke. I haven’t ended Gypsy’s Kiss yet. You’re going to decide how it ends. How?

Simple. I want to sell 50 copies of Second Hand Goods by July 31. This can be any combination of countries and formats. Fifty copies. If, on August 1, 2014, we’ve sold only 49 copies or less of Second Hand Goods, Nick dies at the end of Gypsy’s Kiss.

Yep. I’m holding Nick hostage to sell books. Gimmicky?

Sure is.

In conclusion, mwahahahaha.

And if you like the book, or any of the other books you buy, be a peach and leave an honest review where you bought it.