Holiday Tradition: ‘Twas The Night Before Festivus

jerrystiller‘Twas the night before Festivus
And all through my pad
We were scrounging every scrap
Of mystery meat to be had

We looked to the west
We looked to the east
For the perfect loaf to serve
For the Festivus feast!

Mystery MeatTomorrow we dine
On questionable fair
And then the grievances
We shall each air

My girlfriend, she’ll recall
Something I said
Two years ago
And smack me in the head

And I, in return,
Will turn up the heat
Reminding her she leaves
Down the toilet seat

The feats of strength
Astound us a lot
For I once carried her mother
As though she weighed naught

My girlfriend moved,
Not to be outdone,
Took off her clothes
For some Feat of Strength fun.

santa-stripperFor her Feat of Strength,
A Festivus Miracle,
Was to do her stripper dance
On the Festivus pole!

Hanakkuh is somber,
Christmas too crass.
But a Festivus for the rest of us
Is always a blast

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