Last week, I had one of those nights. You know. You go to bed at 10, 11, 12, whenever is normal for you. An hour later, you’re still awake. Two hours, same thing, and try to alleviate the problem by going to the john. Except an hour later…
Insomnia is not a chronic problem for me. If I have a particularly bad night, I call in sick and sleep it off. If not, I’ll be too tired to worry about it the next evening. The one time I did try to power through it, I regretted it. If you’ve never experienced caffeine overload, I recommend dropping it from your bucket list. It took two shots and two beers to bring me down from that one.
This past week was stress. By the third time I woke up, I decided to turn off the TV. I’ve slept with the TV on for the past five years because Nita has always slept with it on. To me, it’s white noise, and I’m usually asleep before it can bother me. Not this week.
Instead, I was up around ten ’til three, and went out to get some aspirin. We’d reached the point where it was giving me a headache. On my way back to bed, one of those ads for phone sex came on, as they usually do after 11 PM. This really cute chick in a negligee says, just as I walk into the room, “Looking for someone new?” Yeah, right. The one who answers the phone is probably three times her size and sitting in a recliner muting Maury Povic so she can soak you for $4.99 for the first five minutes, $1.99 for each additional minute. Already cranky because sleep eluded me, I muttered, “Oh, shut up, you stupid whore.” I managed to keep it to a whisper as this was the bedroom TV. The last thing you want to wake your wife up with is the phrase, “Shut up, you stupid whore.” The TV went off and…
I fell asleep. I only got about three hours that night, but at least I could finally sleep. Anything less, and I would have called off that day. Nita woke up the next morning and said, “Hey, why’s the TV off?” I explained I couldn’t sleep and turned it off as a last ditch effort.
Like I said, I don’t have this happen very often. It’s rare enough that I can burn off a PTO day to recover. Even when I’m woken in the middle of the night, I still manage to go right back to sleep.
But God help me if I ever have chronic insomnia. That’s even worse than before I knew I had sleep apnea.