It’s that time of year again, the time when we battle the crowds and max out our credit cards to get gifts for those close to us. I know this can be a difficult time, and any help one can find is always appreciated.
I’m here to help. You shouldn’t have to get into a brawl at Target over a gift that might get returned. So to help you out, here now is the list of things not to get Jim Winter for Christmas this year. You’re welcome.
- Anything Star Trek, Star Wars, or other trinkets that one might be overcharged for at Comic-Con. I did cosplay almost 20 years ago. Twenty years ago, I also used to stay up all night, go to concerts, and play music loudly at all hours.
- Subscriptions to Playboy, Maxim, etc. I like women. I even married one. However, I do not find Barbie Dolls attractive, and the women in these magazines are so Photoshopped that some of them don’t even look human anymore.
- Books. “What a minute. You’re a writer. Why no books?” Because I either already have the ones I want, or I will eventually get them. I have a TBR stack I am having trouble getting through at the moment.
- Christmas sweaters, Christmas hats, Christmas underwear: Come on. Really?
- Billy the Big Mouth Bass: Don’t. Just don’t. We’ll all be happier if you don’t. Why do they even make this anymore?
- Those big Hickory Farms cheese and sausage boxes: My father-in-law’s got this. Thanks.
There. Now you have one less person to worry about getting the right thing. You’re welcome.