What Not To Get Jim For Christmas

It’s that time of year again, the time when we battle the crowds and max out our credit cards to get gifts for those close to us. I know this can be a difficult time, and any help one can find is always appreciated.

I’m here to help. You shouldn’t have to get into a brawl at Target over a gift that might get returned. So to help you out, here now is the list of things not to get Jim Winter for Christmas this year. You’re welcome.

  • Anything Star Trek, Star Wars, or other trinkets that one might be overcharged for at Comic-Con. I did cosplay almost 20 years ago. Twenty years ago, I also used to stay up all night, go to concerts, and play music loudly at all hours.
  • Subscriptions to Playboy, Maxim, etc. I like women. I even married one. However, I do not find Barbie Dolls attractive, and the women in these magazines are so Photoshopped that some of them don’t even look human anymore.
  • Books. “What a minute. You’re a writer. Why no books?” Because I either already have the ones I want, or I will eventually get them. I have a TBR stack I am having trouble getting through at the moment.
  • Christmas sweaters, Christmas hats, Christmas underwear: Come on. Really?
  • Billy the Big Mouth Bass: Don’t. Just don’t. We’ll all be happier if you don’t. Why do they even make this anymore?
  • Those big Hickory Farms cheese and sausage boxes: My father-in-law’s got this. Thanks.

There. Now you have one less person to worry about getting the right thing. You’re welcome.