Down With The Sickness

So Thursday night, as I was checking on my sick stepson, I mentioned I had not been seriously ill since I started living with Nita and AJ. And then, as I sat working on my laptop afterward, I started getting a headache. I shrugged it off as either stress or fatigue.

Nope. I jinxed myself. And I should have known better. Two people in my department at work had been sidelined this week with some crazy mutant stomach bug. Two other people had been out the week before. So the next morning…

5:30 AM

Alarm goes off. Climbing out of bed, I feel like I haven’t slept in days. I don’t even make it to the bedroom door before I realize something is seriously wrong. My stomach is in an aggressive mood, and I’m already winded from just walking around the bed. Between the bedroom and the bathroom, I feel something in my chest. Am I having a heart attack? Nope. Last night’s snack is stuck about halfway up on its unplanned return trip. Moments later, I am hugging the toilet for dear life as Mr. Stomach Bug says, “Good morning. Today you will be watching Jerry Springer.”

7:00 AM

I get back up out of bed and call both my boss and the network administrator to say work’s not happening today. About halfway through the voicemail to my boss, I realize that he was taking the day off. So after leaving a voicemail to the network administrator, I logged into my work computer and emailed the company to say I was down with the sickness. I did all this in the living room. Getting back to the bedroom felt like running five miles. I crashed.

Noon

Text conversation between me and Nita:

Me: Nita, I’m sick. Will you sing “Soft Kitty” to me?

Nita: You’re adorable, but you’re not Sheldon Cooper.

Me: But I’m sick.

Nita: Jim, I’m having lunch with my sister.

Me: Will she come over and sing “Soft Kitty”?

1:00

Body aches get the better of me. I pry myself off the couch to get a shower. Once again, I’m completely exhausted by the effort. After getting dressed, I collapse on the couch and fall asleep.

3:30

I wake up and am actually able to move around the house without needing 2-4 hours of rest to recover. I’m still dizzy, but I can do something that, only two hours earlier, would have been repulsive: Eat.

7:00

I actually feel human again. I’m ready to tackle the day tomorrow.

Saturday 8:00 AM

Take the car into the shop to get the car to quit making that damned noise. I leave the shop light-headed again.

9:00 AM

It occurs to me I ate nothing from 10 PM Thursday night to about 4 PM the next day, and I didn’t even finish dinner. I stop at a coffee shop to get a muffin. I feel human again. OK, so all I have to do is bring my blood sugar back up to normal levels. Cool. Off to Wal-Mart to pick up a new grill.

10:30 AM

OK, so that was not a bright idea. I get the grill wheeled out to the backyard, but I’m in no condition to put it together or do anything else. On the upside, when I’ve rested up, I’ll have a shiny new grill put together with a built-in bottle opener for my beer.

Now, if I can just drink beer…

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