Before We Get Too Far Into This Election Year…

It’s 2012. Which means we are in for about 10 months of the most obnoxious mud-slinging since… um… 2010. For the good of America, I am usurping authority to institute the following ban list for 2012. You are not allowed to use these terms for the rest of the year.

Presumptive nominee – Yes, I know. Mitt’s the only GOP candidate not in dire need of some sort of anti-psychotic medication, which pretty much makes him the safest bet to get the Republican nod this year. But until it’s glaringly obvious that the others have dropped out or have been mathematically eliminated from consideration, could we please stop using the term “presumptive nominee”? Four years ago, they had already been calling Hillary Clinton the presumptive nominee since 2004. How’d that work out for you? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Presumptive nominee means all the delegates are pledged, and all that remains is the dog-and-pony show we call the convention.

1% – If you make over $34,000 a year, you are the 1%. You have more money than 99% of the rest of the world. Oh, but you say, we’re speaking relatively. OK, let’s look at the 1% in America. Quite a few of you protesting are in that 1%. It’s not the 1% causing all the trouble. It’s a specific subset of them. Who are they? Bankers. Wall Street traders. Congressional lobbyists. The 1%? It’s less than the 1%. That’s the real crime.

Lies of the liberal media – Look, wingnuts, when your guy gets called out, it’s not a lie. It’s the truth. Sometimes, the truth hurts. Deal with it.

Obamacare – Let’s look at this one in the cold light of day, shall we? Last I checked, we don’t have a Canadian style healthcare system (and I’ve yet to meet a Canadian who thinks it’s horrible. I asked. Think of that next time you want to give me a lecture.) We have a law that says the insurance companies have to spend more time insuring you and less time denying you your insulin because the CEO needs to buy a new fur-lined sink.

Socialist/Fascist – I’ve yet to meet an American who actually knows the definition of “socialist.” Certainly no one in the Tea Party. Likewise, the term “fascist” to describe political opponents of either stripe needs to go into cold storage. Let us be honest in our descriptions of those whose political opinions juxtapose with their lack of any sort of social grace. Let us use the politically correct term “asshole.”

Politically challenged – If you have to refer to people who disagree with you as “politically challenged,” you’re an idiot. No exceptions. Knock it off.

Rethuglican – OK, seriously? To criticize a wingnut, you sound like a wingnut? It doesn’t make your point. It makes you sound like a moron. It’s like when wingnuts refer to CNN as the “Communist News Network.” All that tells me is you don’t have a leg to stand on, even if you do.

Basically, what I’m asking is to quit sounding like a dumbass when you talk politics. We generously spend our tax dollars to pay other people to do that.