Was 2011 better than 2010? Yes, it was. Quit whining.
January – Protestors in Egypt move Hosni Mubarak’s desk to the basement, ask him to kill the roaches.
February – Perennial whackjob and Gene Simmons look-alike Momar Ghaddafi becomes the latest target in what’s now known as Arab Spring, the Berlin Wall-like wave of politcal upheaval that began with the Egyptian uprisings and eventually spreads to Syria.
Speaking of Egypt, Hosni Mubarak has a very bad meeting with The Bobs and begins applying for jobs at various Cairo fast-food chains and Walmart.
The iPad 2 ships.
March – A tsunami flattens Japan, sets off the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl. Ironically, all the safeties worked until they ran out of power.
Sony decides to stop selling floppy disks. Millions of teenagers born at the height of the 3.5″ floppy drive’s dominance asked, “What are those? Is that like reel-to-reel tape?”
April – William and Kate marry.
The Donald, in his bid to become the Republican nominee, proves that you, too, can be an idiot and succeed in America when he announces that he is a Birther.
May – President Obama says to the nation, “Here’s my birth certificate. And here’s bin-Laden’s head.” George W. Bush finally gets that trophy he always wanted to mount over the mantle since 2001. The Donald stomps off in a huff.
Arnold terminates his marriage to Maria Shriver when it’s learned he fathered an illegitimate child with a woman who was not Sarah Conner.
June – Anthony Weiner shows his weiner.
July – The last Harry Potter movie hits theaters. Truth be known, Lord Voldermort would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids.
The Tea Party manufactures a crisis. Congress solves it, largely by kicking the can down the road. Democracy works. Just like it did in Revenge of the Sith, only without an Emperor to provide a nightmarish alternative.
August – Momar Ghadafi files for unemployment, skips town without paying his rent.
Steve Jobs dies. iSad.
September – 10 years after 9/11, the 9/11 Memorial opens at the World Trade Center on 9/11/11. It’s an amazing sign of life at the site of so much tragedy.
October – Momar Ghadafi dies in a street brawl. Bin-Laden and Ghadafi in the same year? Can Kim Jong-il be far behind?
November – Apple debuts the iPhone 4S, some of whose functions were eerily predicted in a 1989 Apple Computer ad that featured a device that looked a lot like an iPad.
December – After denying more sex than most hookers have had, Herman Cain drops out of the race for the GOP nomination.
Remember when someone wondered online if Kim Jong-il would follow Osama bin-Laden and Momar Ghadafi into that long, dark night? Wonder no more.