A Not-So-Modest Proposal

BP continues to balk and evade as the crude spreads throughout the Gulf.  They whine when Senators suggest lifting caps on liability so oil companies feel the pain when something like this happens.  Yesterday, the government sent BP an ultimatum:  Within 72 hours, come up with a contingency plan to shut down future spills, and no, BP cannot suspend operations on the current spill to do it.

I say take it a step further.

BP’s incompetence has killed marine life in the Gulf, fouled the coast of the United States, and severely damaged the economy of Louisiana and Florida.  This strikes me as an act of terrorism.

Which makes BP executives terrorists.

Or as our former president likes to call them, “enemy combatants.”  Now, while I’m against that particular concept in principle, it is currently the law of the land in America.  Therefore, we should declare BP executives to be terrorists (Hey, they caused terror and panic on the Gulf, didn’t they?), pack off BP executives to supermax indefinitely without trial or counsel, and seize the company’s assets.  Not only will that pay for the clean up, but it might actually knock out a big chunk of the deficit.

There are, of course, serious Constitutional questions this brings up, not the least of which involve the Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Amendments, all of which I’m very fond of.  But these are oil company executives.  No one cares if they rot in supermax while the courts sort it all out, least of all, Exxon and Shell executives, who would be happy to take BP’s assets off the federal government’s hands.  Use the profits to subsidize new nuke, wind, and solar plants to get us off oil sooner rather than later.

And if the US has to give back all of BP’s assets, no problem.  By then, they will have ground up AIG into itty-bitty insurance bits to pay them back with.  See?  Problem solved.

I suggest putting BP’s CEO in the same cell as Jeff Skilling.  Oh, wait.  Enron’s execs got stuck in medium security, which is sort of like detention with bars.  See, they just lied about money.  BP lies about everything else.

One thought on “A Not-So-Modest Proposal

  1. Chances are, the BP execs will go the way of Kenneth Lay and die (while on vacation) long before they ever see any jail cell, club fed or otherwise.

    Seizing their assets sure sounds right to me. Use it to pay off the debt … or to bail out the insurance companies again when they start crying bankruptcy …

    It would be nice if this government did something, though …

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