My Town Mondays is a great project. We get to visit different parts of the world, and those of us taking part get to learn more about our own cities and towns. However, I should point out that I won’t do certain things for My Town Mondays. Just not going to happen.
- The Hustler Store. Oh, I could make the trip up to Monroe. In fact, I have. But if I’m going to do business with the Brothers Flynt, that’s going to be between Nita and me. Literally.
- Simon Says – Maybe I’ll recount the story where I, an exurban bumpkin from the fringes of the Greater Cleveland area, was tricked into walking into his very first (and very last) gay bar. But it’s not happening on My Town Mondays. Nope. Uh-uh.
- The Maisonnette – Not only is this renowned restaurant too expensive for my meager wallet, it’s gone. However, if anyone wants to send me to the Golden Lamb in nearby Lebanon…
- The Creation Museum – Let’s get something straight. As a kid, I went to one of those quaint little country churches that sat in the middle of cornfields. And yet I never bought that the Earth was only 6000 years old. Later, I switched to Catholicism, wherein the priest patted me on the head and said, “Yeah, J, that’s what we call a metaphor. You’re a writer. Perhaps you’ve heard of them?” And now?I’ll go on one condition. Someone pays me to go. Yes, I know John Scalzi did this two years ago, but he has more traffic than I do. Much more traffic. In other words, the likelihood you all are going to cough up the $66 plus tax and convenience fees, let alone toss in enough cash for a huge charitable contribution, for three people to go is about nil. So I feel confident it’s not going to happen.
- A Bengals game – Let’s get one more thing straight. I wouldn’t go to Lambeau Field, one of the great shrines of the NFL, if you paid me, so what makes you think I’d go see the Bengals when I can kick back and watch them (if I have to) in HD from the comfort of my living room? Besides, in Paul Brown Stadium, you can’t change the channel or cue up the DVR when the Bengals start to lose, something that normally happens five minutes into the first quarter.