Tips for Thanksgiving:
- When deep-frying a turkey, try not to fry it on something flammable. Like a wooden deck.
- My late father pointed out that the reason you buy turkeys in the store (or shoot them in the wild) has a lot to do with the bird’s temperament. While stupid and scared of their own shadows, turkeys are also slightly less vicious than a pit bull, assuming the pit bull was kicked in the balls.
- Fans of the Detroit Lions today may want their wild turkey from a bottle instead of Kroger.
- Tomorrow is Black Friday. I buy all my stuff ahead of time or between Black Friday and Christmas Eve.
- I get at least one turkey leg. Deal with it.
- I am thankful that the last eight years will soon be over. That’s assuming we’re not invaded by Gelnarg from Remulac, who might conquer the world for the sole purpose of impregnating Paris Hilton. (That would be so not hot.)