Edged in Blue

I read an article last night on gadgets that should no longer be kept or purchased.  I wished I kept the link.  Not because I agreed with it, but because the writer seemed so enamored with the idea that your phone will do everything for you from now on, including your taxes and laundry.

But I do remember his list.  And while some of these products are in their waning days of usefulness, I seriously doubt they’re finished.

PRINTER – This made the list on the premise that everything is done electronically now, and only people of a certain age (ie – older than me) print things out “to be read later.”  Not so fast, whippersnapper.  Contracts have to be printed out.  If you own rental property, it’s quite likely your rental app will need to be printed out (though electronic apps are fairly common).  Your lease definitely will need to be printed out.  Medical claim forms, warranty registrations…  Yes, we are still killing trees and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.  We will never be a paperless society, though we are becoming rather paper-light.  (Consider that I have not even used all my checks up on my bank account yet this year.  I used to order 2-3 times a year.)

SCANNER – But we have digital cameras!!!  In our phones!!! This is when I realized the writer likely owned an iPhone or a G-Phone.  Those of us doing graphics 1.) aren’t too fond of the unreliable printer-scanner-fax units, 2.) still get stuff in hard copy that has to be digitized, and 3.) don’t feel like spending $800 for the steroid-chomping commercial scanners like those featured in yesterday’s rant about the F*****u Corporation. That said, it is getting harder and harder to find a flatbed scanner, and I may have to bite the bullet and buy an all-in-one unit soon.  I’d hate that because the all-in-ones have the one item I agree with…

FAX – I hate faxes.  I hate when I’m required to send faxes.  I’m not exactly sure why lawyers loves them the fax, but faxes suck.  I’m pretty much opposed to anything other than voice that goes over dial-up.  And my landline is a VOIP line.  Speaking of which…

LANDLINES – I’ll give the writer this one, but I miss the days when I didn’t have to answer the phone because “I was away.”  Land lines could survive if they didn’t charge $50 a month for something I get for $25 from Vonage.

CD/DVD DRIVES – This one is just stupid.  Just freaking stupid.  They’re called movies, and until the entertainment industry gets over it’s fear and loathing of downloadable content, DVD’s are going nowhere.

MP3 PLAYERS – Honestly?  I play most of my music on my computer.  And really, I’d prefer the MP3 player to be separate and unequal from my phone.  Why?  If I’m listening to Tom Waits while out hiking the Little Miami Trail, I sure as hell don’t want to answer the phone.

LAPTOP – The writer believes – and probably rightly – that the laptop will go the way of the MP3 player and the land line, that iPhones and G-Phones and Blackberries will replace your portable laptop, maybe even your PC and Mac.  Maybe.  But your going to need a dock to plug in a keyboard, mouse, and a monitor you can, yanno, read stuff on.  Actually, the idea of going through the airport and tossing your phone into the bin as your only gadget is kind of appealing.  I’d still need that big keyboard.  Speech recognition, you say?  Is that how we’ll type in the future?  Hey, kids, try working on a cramped airliner speaking your 50-page report on how you’re going to downsize your company and move all the jobs to Albania while sitting next to Gertrude, who got a window seat and a bad case of diarhea and loves to talk to you.  It ain’t happening.  Whip out the keyboard, plug in the headphones, and go to work silently.

And see if Gertrude will switch seats.  She’s gonna need that emergency aisle more than you.