Some Advice For The Candidates And Their Parties January 30, 2008
Posted by eviljwinter in Politics.Tags: candidates, Indecision 2008, president, primaries
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1.) Mitt Romney: Never, never, NEVER try to sound black ever again. In fact, try not to sound white, either. You’re pretty lame at both.
2.) Democratic National Committee: Please fire the booger-eating moron who decided to boycott Michigan and Florida under the mistaken notion that this might punish those states for moving their primaries up, threatening those high-population, heavily diverse states Iowa and New Hampshire. If that’s Howard Dean’s idea, the scream in 2000 should have been a hint something was wrong. Heeeeeaaaaaawwww!!!!!
3.) Bill Clinton: Dude, shut the fuck up. Seriously. Shut the fuck up.
4.) George W. Bush: Since you’re not running, could you pretty please not start a war in Iran? Your track record on that has me wondering when we’ll be bombing Cambodia again.
5.) Rudy Giuliani: Give it up, Rudy. No one’s voted for you this early, and they’re not likely to start on Super Tuesday.
6.) Mitt Romney: I’m not kidding. Never, ever try to sound black again. Suggest you watch an episode of The Wire to understand why.
7.) Bill Clinton: I’m not kidding, dude. Shut up.
UPDATE: Wow, this hadn’t even posted yet, and Rudy’s already taking my advice. So once again, Bill, shut up. Mitt, you can’t sound black, so quit trying.
I especially hope Bill hears you. Whatever legacy he had, if he indeed did have a positive one, is completely shot to hell now.